


Nine worlds

by Lancelot_of_the_revolution



Category: Original Work
Genre: Companion Piece, Gen, i'm so late on this, to we contain multitudes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-20
Updated: 2017-07-20
Packaged: 2018-12-04 18:34:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11560980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lancelot_of_the_revolution/pseuds/Lancelot_of_the_revolution
Summary: A mysterious person operating under the nickname "T" blackmails Blair into being his wingman while Loki helps Thor retrieve a stolen hammer from Thrym.





	Nine worlds

**Author's Note:**

> sorry i'm so late with this!

Blair was lucky that Reyes was a night owl. When Reyes got a phone call at two am on a tuesday night (or wednesday morning, depending on how you looked at it), he was still on some wikipedia rabbit hole his laptop.

 

“You are aware that it’s exactly 2:09 in the morning, right?”

 

Blair’s response came in a huff, like he was already annoyed with Reyes despite their conversation not even reaching paragraph length yet, “Were you asleep?”

 

“Never. But that doesn’t change the time of day- or night. Day? The point is, it’s 2:11 now and you’re interrupting my quiet time,”

 

“Your quiet time can wait, I have an emergency,” 

 

Reyes stood up, pushing his laptop aside. He started pacing the room, the way he normally did while talking on the phone, “An emergency? Is someone hurt?”

 

“Someone’s going to  _ be _ hurt by the end of this,” Blair said

 

Reyes laughed without humor, interested to see where this was going, “That can be arranged, who is it?”

 

“That’s just the problem! I don’t know!”

 

Reyes faltered, “I… I’m sorry, what?”

 

“Someone stole my phone, and they’re holding it for ransom! But I have no idea who it was!”

 

Reyes blinked, “... hey Blair,”

 

“You don’t seem shocked,” Reyes could hear the frown in Blair’s voice.

 

“Well it’s just… I’m talking to you on my phone right now, which sort of… implies that you, also, have a phone, because that’s how phones work,” reyes spoke slowly, wondering if Blair was trying to prank him, or just sleep deprived.

 

“I’m using a house phone right now- did you know I have a house phone?”

 

Reyes took the phone away from his face to look at it- it still said “Blair” on the caller id, but the number was different than Blair’s cell. “Considering I had your home phone saved to my contacts, I guess I did. Did you not know you had a house phone?”

 

If Blair had known, he gave no indication, “Anyway I need my phone back and I need your help getting it,” 

  
  
  
  


Loki stood, arms crossed and eyebrows raised, in Thor’s doorway. The room was a mess, and it was only getting worse with Thor was tearing it up looking for his lost hammer.

 

“You’re sure it’s gone?” Loki asked

 

Thor tossed a dented shield across the room, “‘ _ You’re sure it’s gone _ ,’” He mocked, “Yes, I’m sure! If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t have called you here!”

 

Loki shrugged. He didn’t really like Thor’s attitude, considering it wasn’t  _ Loki _ who had lost the most powerful weapon in the nine worlds, now was it?

 

“No hammer, and all there is in it’s place is a note telling me to meet the thief at the mouth of the river at noon,” he furrowed his brow.

 

“That’s unnerving” Loki said matter-of-factly.

 

“Unnerving?! It’s a hell of a lot more than ‘unnerving’! Without that hammer, we have no defense against the frost giants! This is literally apocalypse material!”

 

Loki nodded, “I’m aware of the situation,” he said.

 

“Well you certainly don’t look it!” 

 

Loki turned to leave, his cloak swishing majestically, and pretentiously, behind him.

 

“Where are you going?!” thor shouted, having half a mind to retrieve that dented shield and throw it at his friend for leaving mid conversation.

 

“Well,” Loki said, stopping but not turning to face Thor, “I can’t very well let you face this thief alone. And I certainly can’t face them without a weapon. I’m going home to get my sword,”

  
  
  


Reyes was at Blair’s house before the hour was up, even though it was still 2:30 in the morning and they had school in 5 and a half hours. She- Reyes- leaned over Blair’s computer desk without sitting down, reading the email on the screen for maybe the thirteenth time.

 

“Blair-

By now I’m sure you’ve noticed what’s happened. You left your phone on the bleachers of the most recent football game against my school, and now it’s nowhere to be found. It’s taken you, what, three days to find it? And it’s still nowhere?

 

Well, I know where it is. It’s sitting next to me as I type this. And I’m sure you want it back, yes? Well, that can be arranged. My request is simple. All I need from you is for you to get me a date with that cheer captain from your school. That’s it, I just need you to be my wingman. Think of it like a favor between bros! You can contact me at this email if needed.

 

Oh, and if you need a little extra initiative? If I don’t see results by the end of the month, I’ll wipe the phone’s memory and throw it in the river. You have thirty days. 

 

\- T.”

 

Reyes shook her head, “God, what a creep!”

 

“That’s not even the half of it,”

 

“I wonder what T stands for?”

 

“Timothy, maybe? Tiberius?” Blair guessed.

 

“That’s ridiculous. Who names their kid Tiberius?” reyes paused before asking, “Do you even know Vanna?”

 

Blair shook his head, “Not well, anyway. I think I have history class with her,” he shrugged.

 

“How are we going to explain this to her?” 

 

Blair shrugged again, “I don’t know… we can’t actually set them up, right? This guy’s obviously a creep, right?”

 

Reyes nodded, “No, that’s way too dangerous,”

 

“Should we… call the cops or something?”

 

The situation played itself out in Reyes’s head, a nerdy kid from Lovelace Academy who’s spent his whole life getting whatever he wants- why else would he expect to get it here- getting off with a sympathy warning from the cops he charmed with either tears or his parents money. Even if he did get consequences, Reyes didn’t like the idea of letting other people handle her problems. And she definitely had a problem with this kid. She ran her hand across the computer desk, “No… I have a better idea,”

  
  
  
  


Thrym nodded to Loki, “I wasn’t expecting you to bring a friend,” he said

 

“I wasn’t expecting you to steal my shit,” Thor said in retort. Loki gave a nod of approval. They stood at the edge of the river, trees hanging overhead. It was a rather beautiful day- or it would be, if it weren’t soured by the presence of a pair of angry gods and a scheming giant.

 

“Well then, I guess we’re even,” Thym grinned.

 

“How about we cut to the chase,” Thor said, “I’d like my hammer back”

 

Thrym snorted, “Well, you just take the fun out of everything, don’t you?”

 

“I know,” Loki nodded, “He’s got no respect for banter, honestly!”

 

“Who’s side are you on?!” Thor spread his arms in indignation

 

“Whichever one is more fun, usually” Loki shrugged

 

Thor frowned.

 

“That’s yours, today” Loki assured him

 

Thor didn’t look particularly assured, but he turned back toward Thrym.

 

“My request is simple,” Thrym said, “I am… a lonely man-”

 

“I am… not surprised,” Loki interrupted. Thor laughed harder than was either necessary or warranted.

 

Thrym threw them each a pointed glare, “Need I remind you, I still have your hammer, and I know a great deal of giants who would just adore that information. Anyway, I need a wife. And I have a very specific idea as to who I want to marry,”

 

“Listen if you wanted a date with Thor you should have just asked him,” Loki said “this whole theft business is a little convoluted, don’t you think?” 

 

Thor shot Loki a look like  _ Dude, what the fuck?! _ But said nothing.

 

Thrym laughed, “Oh, no, it gets  _ much _ more convoluted than that,” he said, “Besides, your friend here… he isn’t really my type. No offense,” he waved a little in Thor’s direction, as if he were shooing away a fly.

 

Thor’s  _ Dude, what the fuck?! _ Look got more intense, now aimed at Thrym.

 

“Let's get to the point. I need you to set me up with that lovely Freya, and only then will you get your hammer back, yes? And not just any date, either. I wish her to be my wife and nothing less,”

 

Loki tapped the end of his chin with his index finger, “Hmm… that is rather convoluted. Are you sure you’re  not overstepping any godly boundaries here? I mean, I’m the one that’s supposed to be the ‘Trickster god’ right? I really don’t feel like bringing you up on copyright charges… it’s a whole lot of paperwork… maybe you should just leave this all alone, leave the trickery to the professionals?”

 

Thrym gave a hearty laugh, “Nice try, Loki, but my demand still stands- bring me the girl by the end of the month, or I’ll let the word of your little… predicament out to all of my friends,” at the end of the sentence, he disappeared into a puff of smoke.

 

“Well, fuck” thor said

 

“‘Well, fuck’ indeed” 

  
  
  
  


“What the  _ fuck?!” _ Vanna whisper shouted, trying to keep quiet so that the three of them- Reyes, Vanna, and Blair- weren’t discovered in the abandoned classroom they were currently using to scheme in.

 

Blair nodded, “My thoughts exactly,” he said

 

Vanna shook her head, tossing perfect copper curls every which way, “God, that’s so  _ gross _ ” she flicked her fingers out, as though she could splash the situation away from her like water off her hands. Unfortunately, they weren’t so lucky.

 

Reyes nodded, “Which is exactly why we have to do something about this,” she explained, “Prove to this creep that this is 400% not okay,”

 

“You mean like call the cops?” Vanna asked.

 

Blair leaned back on the back two legs of his chair, shaking his head “That’s what I said. Apparently, Reyes has other ideas,”

 

Vanna looked confused, so Reyes took it upon herself to explain, “This dude- we’re assuming he’s a dude, at least, he called himself a ‘bro’- has wronged us personally, right? He stole Blair’s phone, he’s major creepin on Vanna, and he’s just pissing me off by virtue of existing. I don’t like him, and I don’t like the idea of him getting off with a warning, either,” Reyes paused for effect, glancing around the room to check the other’s expressions, “So I have a plan. Blair and I can use my phone to contact this T person. We’ll pretend to be Vanna, make him think she’s interested or whatever, make him think he has the upper hand. We’ll set up a date, somewhere in person that we know he’ll attend,  then when the time finally comes for their little date, our six-foot-four, football player since birth friend Blair will roll up and teach this snot-nosed punk why we don’t blackmail dates out of pretty girls or steal other people's shit. Sound good?”

 

Blair mulled it over, “So you’re morally okay with catfishing this guy?”

 

Reyes shrugged, “I don’t know. But i do know i’m not morally okay with  _ actually _ setting him up with Vanna, considering how fucking creepy he is,”

 

Vanna waved her hands out in front of her, calling the attention in the room on herself, “Hold on, if you’re just going to catfish this guy anyway, and I’m not going on a date with him, then why did you need me here in the first place?”

 

Reyes shrugged, “Permission to use your name and maybe pictures to fool him. Nothing to drastic, we just obviously had to make sure it was okay with you,” she explained

 

Blair nodded, “This does concern you, we thought you’d want to know,” 

 

Vanna furrowed her brows, still obviously uncomfortable, “well then, thank you, I guess. Yeah, go ahead. Teach this creep a lesson, I’m all for it. So, are we done here?”

 

Blair looked to Reyes for guidance, and Reyes nodded.

 

“Terrific!” Vanna said, “I’m gonna go try and forget this ever happened,” 

 

Reyes nodded, “That’s a good plan. We’re gonna go plot a way to make sure it never happens again. Hey, Blair, how does Mcdonald's sound?”

 

Vanna frowned, “Mcdonald's?”

 

“Yeah. you know, the burger place?”

 

Vanna rolled her eyes, “I mean why are you asking about Mcdonald's. It’s the middle of a school day, you can’t just go to Mcdonalds,”

 

“Maybe  _ you  _ can’t just go to mcdonalds, but we can. Besides, you can’t just sneak off into an abandoned classroom for lunch hour, either,” Reyes pointed out, gesturing to her surroundings. She pulled her car keys out of her pocket and nodded to blair, “and I want a big mac”

 

Vanna shrugged, “whatever, guys, I’m going back to my table,” she said as she left the room.

  
  
  


“It’s simple,” Heimdall said, “You pretend to be Freya to gain this guy’s trust, and then when his guard is down, you clobber him!” Heimdall smashed his fist into his open hand on the last word, grinning with delight.

 

Loki frowned, “As much as I like this ‘clobber him’ plan, I’m seeing some issues… for instance,”

 

“For instance,” Thor spoke over him, “I’m not a girl, and I look nothing like Freya!”

 

Loki paused for a moment  in an ‘are you done interrupting me’ sort of way before waving him off, “No need to worry about that, I can illusion you into a more feminine figure quite easily, and a veil can hide your face. No, that’s not my problem. The problem is how Thor is going to…  _ clobber  _ the giant if he still doesn’t have a hammer?”

 

Freya perked up, “Wedding vows! He can pass off a request to see the hammer as respect for tradition, then swipe it!”

 

Heimdall raised his hand like a kid at school, “Yeah, quick question, if they get that far in the ceremony would that make them actually married?”

 

Loki shrugged, “Does it really matter? Maybe technically, but would anyone really abide by it?”

 

Thor frowned, “Do I have to wear a dress”

 

Everyone responded “Yes” in unison.

 

“Are you sure?” he whined, “I'm just not one of those kinda guys…” he glanced at Loki, “No offence,”

 

Loki shrugged, “Some taken. But not much, considering you’re not exactly known for thinking before you speak,”

 

“Well” Freya leaned back in her chair, “We can’t all be the god of honeyed words, now can we,” she sneered

 

Loki glared at her, “No, I guess not. Just like we can’t all get our way by batting our eyelashes and sleeping with the nearest dwarf, right?”

 

Freya sprang up just in time for Heimdall to spread his arms between the two of them, “Let’s stop this before someone gets turned into a walnut, please?” 

 

The both huffed by way of response, but sat down in their respective chairs. Loki mumbled “Whatever happened to clobbering your enemies?” but if anyone heard him, they ignored him.

 

“Now,” Heimdall said, “If it makes you feel any better, Thor, Loki will be wearing a dress, too,”

  
  
  
  


“That’s the fourth time he’s asked me for nudes in the past half hour,” Reyes groaned, flopping down on blair’s bed “how desperate can one person be?!”

 

Blair spun around in his desk chair, “Desperate enough to blackmail a date, desperate enough to beg for nudes,” 

 

Reyes had downloaded a free phone app with a fake number to talk to T- who’s name turned out to be thomas- and she and Blair took turns using it. They had spent the past three days pretending to be Vanna, and had to continue to do that until their date/ambush on saturday night. A walk in the park with dire consequences.

 

“It’s gonna be your turn soon, i'm almost done with this guy. He’s been on a four text long ‘not like the other girls’ speech, and he’s still going! Dude, you barely know me! And i’m not even me!”

 

Blair laughed, “Sounds entertaining,”

 

“And he wouldn’t even know if i’m like the ‘other girls’ or not because he hasn’t asked me a single question! He just keeps bragging about how great he is!”

 

“I know, Reyes, I talk to him too,”

 

The phone pinged again, and Reyes groaned again, “Uuuuugggghhhhh boys are gross,”

 

“Not all of them”

 

“This one is. His speech ended in another request for nudes! I can only say no so many ways before I send him a picture of a restraining order application!”

 

Blair snorted, “Maybe we should have done that in the first place,” he said

 

“Eh. if we involve the authorities, you don’t get your phone,” Reyes noted.

  
  
  


“I can’t believe he’s literally wearing a fedora,” Reyes whispered to Blair, who was hiding behind a bush next to him. Reyes adjusted his wig- nothing more than a cheap prop to add to the silhouette, delaying Thomas’s suspicion for as long as possible. It was already twilight, so by the time Thomas was close enough to realise his date wasn’t Vanna, it would be too late. 

 

Thomas was walking toward them now, just a little ways away. “Vanny!” he shouted, waving to Reyes as he picked up the pace, “Vanny I’ve waited so lo- you’re not my Vanny,” he stopped, dumbstruck.

 

“Yeah…” Reyes said with mock sympathy, “About that… you don’t actually  _ have _ a ‘Vanny’. Cause we weren’t stupid enough to give Vanna’s information to a little creep like you. That was us the whole time, fucking with you. And you fell for it!” Reyes finished his speech with a grin.

 

“...Us?”

 

Blair stepped into the open, closing the distance between himself and Thomas almost immediately, “Yeah, us,” he grabbed the front of Thomas’s shirt and used it as a handle to lift him off the ground so that they were eye to eye, “and on that note, I’d like my phone back,” 

 

“I- I’ll call the police if you try anything!” 

 

“The police? You mean so I can show them the admission to theft you sent me and numerous instances of sexual harassment we have recorded?”

 

“Ain’t nobody on this world but the three of us as far as you’re concerned, bud,” Reyes said, “Now give my poor friend his phone before I give you a pat down myself,”

 

“I don’t have it on me! It’s at my house!”

 

“Reyes?”

 

Reyes fulfilled his promise, checking Thomas all over for the device.

 

“He’s telling the truth, Blair, go ahead,”

 

Blair tossed Thomas over his shoulder kicking and screaming. He took the bumpiest path across the park with Reyes following close behind, reading back their texts in a dramatic voice with brutal commentary.

 

“You honestly used the pet insurance line. Like literally. Who even does that?!”

 

“Did you really call Vanna ‘pretty for a black girl’?! Do i actually have to explain to you why that’s not okay, like, at all? Of course i do, because you’re you. It’s racist as fuck, dude,”

 

“Please, for the love of god, tell me what the  _ hell _ is so wrong with the other girls?”

 

Finally they reached their destination. 

 

“Now,” Reyes said, “I don’t want my friend here arrested for assault, but I don’t want you thinking this is okay, either. I feel you’ve been thoroughly humiliated, yes?”

 

Thomas didn’t respond

 

“Good. Now it’s time for a swimming lesson. And I know for a fact you have your phone on you,”

 

Blair threw Thomas into the artificial lake, where he landed with a splash. They stayed just long enough to be sure he wasn’t drowning before sprinting off back home. He popped his head out of the water soaking wet and screaming about the algae in his hair.

 

When they reached Blair’s house, reyes asked between huffs of breath, “Hey- what- about- your phone?”

 

“Eh- I’ll just- get a new one, we got the important job done,”

**Author's Note:**

> If i get good enough responses from this, I'll try to write more! Feel free to give me any thoughts you had about the story!


End file.
